Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
