her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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