i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
