I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
