I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
