You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
