apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
