If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
