we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
