I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
