Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
