Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
