Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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