I'm drive I can fine osifer
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
