So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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