Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
