If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
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