No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
