They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
