I think im going to throw up on grandma
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
