He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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