their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
