I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
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