Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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