I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
