There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
