So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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