i will never coherently bang her
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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