Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
