she was so not down for the gang bang
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
