walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
