based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
