she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
