things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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