so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
