we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
