She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
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easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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