Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
