So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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