apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
