I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
