i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
