I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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