I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.