So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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