You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
