I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
