Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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