Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Four minutes until I can fart!
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
