Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
