This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im holly from the hills drunk
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In other news, I just burned my penis
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
