Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I'm always down for nudity.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
