i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
