so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
