Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
