Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
