bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
