fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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