win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
