they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
