Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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