The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Randomize
