I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
