He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
