It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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