I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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