I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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