i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
