i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
