it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
