I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
