I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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