Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
