I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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