Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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