I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
