dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
