There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
