After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
