walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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