i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
