I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
