I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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