I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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