I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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