Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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